The "Date Rape" Time Lag.

How often have you heard the question, "If it was rape, why did she wait months to press charges?" Survivors of Date Rape often have a unique emotional timeline that is different from survivors of stranger rape, called the date rape time lag. It's important to understand this emotional process because it can work against the survivor. In a Date Rape situation, the survivor often has a hard time realizing that she was raped. First reactions are usually confusion and shock. "It must have been a failure to communicate," she will tell herself. After all, the rapist is a friend; he wouldn't have done that if he thought she didn't want to. The survivor will spend a lot of time and energy making excuses for the incident. She will defend his actions, confident that their friendship will overcome this incident. Eventually, she believes, their relationship will get back to normal, and the pain in her heart will go away. It doesn't.

In most cases, the emotional tipping point comes about three months after the incident. The layers of denial fall away, and she finally faces the fact that she was raped. She realizes that her rapist has in fact destroyed their friendship. She knows there is nothing her former friend can do to make up for the assault. And, in fact, he is not even going to try. Now the survivor is hit by waves of anger. She sees her rapist for what he really is. She sees him going about his life, oblivious and uncaring about the pain in her heart that is only getting worse. Now, three months after the rape, the survivor thirsts for justice. This emotional lag is difficult for survivors and her friends and family to understand. She may doubt her own credibility or sanity. She may not have the confidence to tell anyone about her new outlook. She also knows that if she makes a report, the officials will ask why she waited so long, and question her credibility. From watching TV movies on Lifetime ("The all-victims network"), she fears what a defense lawyer would do to her if she presses charges. And in her shock and confusion, she had refused to go to the hospital to have evidence of the rape collected. Now that it's three months later, the evidence is long gone, and she feels that she has no choice but to keep her secret and live with the pain for the rest of her life.

This time lag makes a survivor's life much more difficult, but knowing some facts can help the situation.

• It is important to go to the hospital for a rape kit. Evidence of a rape should be collected as early as possible. After it is collected, the evidence is locked away until the survivor decides to use it. In Minnesota, no one can release any information about the rape without the survivor's express permission.
• In Minnesota, the Statute of Limitations for rape is nine years. If there is DNA evidence, there is no Statute of Limitations. This gives the survivor plenty of time to sort through her emotions and decide what she wants to do.
• The three month time lag is a documented psychological fact. Experts can testify to it if necessary.
• Some people will ask why it took so long to report the crime. The phenomenon of the three month time lag will educate them. This fact can be introduced in court to educate jury members. Times have changed, and many people have changed too. While they will feel compelled to ask the question, they will also accept a good answer.
• The rapist may try to use the time lag as proof that the survivor is making it all up. But then, the rapist will say absolutely anything that will help his case. Don't let him confuse you. You know it's not true.
• Now that you know about the existence of the time lag, you know why you waited. It is important to realize that the wait does not destroy your case. Talk to a counselor; talk to an advocate. Don't make a hasty or uninformed decision. Explore your options with an expert.

And please remember: even if you decide not to proceed with the criminal case, it is never too late to seek emotional counseling to help remove that pain from your heart.